Life is a journey

Life is a journey

torsdag 11. januar 2018

Homesick, lack of motivation and the lonely feeling….

These three things are probably the most scary parts you don’t want to face while travelling. 
I felt all of this during just a couple of weeks, and I was really depressed and close of booking my ticket back home.

When I first booked my ticket to Asia, the plan was to stay away for 6 months. Considering some big changes in my family I started to count my money, and realized I could stay away quite much longer.
February turned into March, and I ended up paying for my travel insurance until 1st April.
The thought of travelling until pril got stronger and stronger the longer into my trip I came, and to go home before this date have kind of been a non existing thought.
After spending 10 days with my family in a nice resort in Khao Lak in Thailand during Christmas, I thought I would get a lot of new energy and motivation to keep going until April, but instead, the opposite thing happened. 
I left them in the hotel 27th December, and my tears jus kept going.  

It had been such a nice holiday with my closest people. The people that know all my faults, all my good and bad sides, and the people I can relax wit and be myself 100 % around.
I didn’t need to act, I didn’t need to tell them who I am, where I’ve been or where I’m going. They knew all of that!
The thought of going alone again, and need to present myself for new people just seemed to be so tough. I arrived the party island Koh Phangan, and I immediately regretted that I booked accommodation here for an entire week.
It was pouring down and the weather was said to be quite bad the next couple of days. The bed in my room was probably the worst bed I’ve ever slept in as you could feel the springs in the matrass. It was sand all over the floor and no place to leave your stuff. It was no light by the bed (which is normal in hostels and dorms), and most of the people seemed to be really young, all ready to party hard!
I woke up the 28th December and I cried.
It was still raining, and the bad feeling just got stronger. Was it time to go home?
Was it something that would pass by? I have only travelled for 3 months before, so this was all a new situation for me.
I could always call my friends and family back home, but it’s not the same as sitting face to face with someone and talk about it.
After checking the possibility to actually leave the island and go to another one, I ended up writing a post on a facebookgroup called “girls love travel”. The group have 500 000 members, and I knew I would get some answers here.
I asked if anyone have been in the same situation, where all your motivation seems to be gone, and you not longer know what you want, and asked for their tips.
I just have to say… Social media is sometimes awesome!! The response was enormous, and girls that doesn’t know me, wrote long comments about their own situation, and how they got out of it. Some of them even wrote me some days later to hear what I decided to do.
Thanks to these girls I decided to leave the thought a bit behind, and stay in the hostel I’ve already paid for and take it day by day.

It was a lot of party, but I found my group of people, who listened to me and my thoughts, and that I felt comfortable with! We ended up having so much fun, and the most crazy party of them all, the new years eve at Haad Rin beach, with almost 30 000 people!! I’m so happy to have experienced it, but no way I’m doing it again 😊 Haha. 

So.. after leaving Koh phangan, I went further to a smaller island called Koh Tao. As soon as I stepped my foot on this island I fell in love.
The hostel I’m staying at is brand new, and is probably one of the best I’ve stayed in the last 6 months. The beds are comfortable, the staff speaks perfectly English, its walking distance to the beach, the wifi is working good and the other travellers are really nice!
I didn’t decide how long I wanted to stay. I just wanted to be here and relax until I figured out what my next destination would be.

 It took me 6 days.

 After a long talk with my mum and brother, and my swizz friend that I travelled with for 3 months this trip, I asked myself again what I really wanted to do.

I think people in general, including me, are too proud to give up on something they have decided to do. Especially when they have told it to other people, like I had with my travel plans until April.
To go home before this would be kind of a downturn. I also wanted to see all of Malaysia before I left Norway, but right now I feel a bit satisfied with what I’ve seen in south east Asia, so even though Malaysia is still missing, I just cant find the energy and motivation to start searching for new places to visit. It might sound like I don’t appreciate it like I should, and I’m sure people back home would do anything to be in my shoes right now, exploring the world and travel around without a fixed plan.
The mental part of travelling could be really challenging sometimes, and you really have to go through some fights with yourself in the situations you just want to give up. Those are definately the worst times to be a solo traveler!
I have asked myself if I should leave, save the money for next trip and go back home, or if I should try to find out what I really want to do, screw the thought I had at the beginning of the trip and follow my heart.

I ended up doing the last thing.
That is why I have left my thoughts of going to Peyongchang for the Olympic games (yes I thought about this for a long time, and are actually carrying around 1,5 set with wool underwear and a small winterjacket).. I have left my thoughts of going all around Malaysia, and the last thought I had to go to Hong Kong, as this would be something completely different then what I’ve seen so far.
South East Asia is kind of the same, and if you have been here, you have probably heard the phrase, “same same but different”. That’s exactly how I feel at the moment.
How different can it be?
Looking back to all I’ve seen so far and my goals I had for the trip, I have to admit I am quite happy with my final decision of what I’m going to do the last 68 days.
Monday morning I’m taking a flight to Kuala Lumpur, after spending nearly 2 months in Thailand, and 11 days here in Koh Tao.
I am planning to travel from south to north in Malaysia, and hopefully visit places like Cameron Highlands, Orangutang island, Penang and Langkawi.
After 3-4 weeks in this country, I’m planning to apply for a new 2 months visa to Thailand, and end my trip going from island to island in the south, and visit some famous and popular islands, as well as a lot of not so popular islands.
I will leave my watch in my room, wake up when I want to, go to bed when I want to and do exactly what I want to and feel like doing.
If I’m bored I go to the more crowded places like phi phi and Ao Nang in Krabi. If I like the silence I stay in one of the islands.

This morning I booked my ticket back home, and even though it’s still some weeks left, I feel happy with my decision. I look forward to come back home, but I also look forward to see these (hopefully) incredible places many people will envy me for.
The energy and motivation is on the way back. I don’t rush anymore and push myself to see everything. I do what I feel like. I have enough money to live a bit better, and don’t longer have to count all the money I use.
I am so proud of myself for keeping my budget, and I haven’t touched my saving account during the whole trip!

The last 2 months, I will enjoy as much as I can and be happy for this being on this journey! Who knows if I’ll ever get the opportunity again to go from one paradise island to another, not having to worry about money or any bills that waits.
The only thing you need to worry about is which bikini you will wear, what you will have for lunch, which beach you will go to, and where you will have your dinner.
Sounds like a god damn good life to me!!
So my friends… I’ll be back home before easter, but (unfortunately) I will escape to my family’s cabin already the first weekend of easter, and be back after the holiday.
After that I’ll be happy to meet every single one of you, and I cant wait to be with all my friends and family again for some months :D Cause who knows…. I’m not sure I’ll stay in Norway the whole year
😉  Time will show!!

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